i never left you in my heart
by hugsmaketheworldgoround
Summary: Edward leaves in new moon but Bella doesn't jump. She gets with Jacob but when Edward comes back Bella leaves Jake. They both dissapear leaving Jake heartbroken.Bella comes back a year later. What happened to her? What will Jake do? Better than sounds!
1. heartbreak

**This is my first bXj story so i hope you like it. :)**

**disclaimer- i don't own twilight :'( (wish i did though)**

_Scene: Edward has just done his little speech telling Bella he's leaving and she's in the forest alone and heartbroken._

I lay on the forest floor.

My eyes tight shut.

The damp leaves were gradually soaking through my clothes. I didn't notice. I didn't care.

"I don't love you" his words were still playing through my brain, torturing me.

I didn't move for hours.

I didn't think.

All I did was feel.

I felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart and no one had taken away the knife.

I felt as if my soul had been ripped from my body and just left an empty shell.

I felt like I was in hell and fire roared trough my veins plaguing my body.

I felt as if I'd been punched through the chest and nothing was left but a gaping hole raw and bleeding.

With four words my world had been shattered...

...My life was over...

...There was no need to go on...

...Not anymore.

Night had fallen and I still hadn't moved.

A small insignificant part of my brain remembered Charlie.

He'd probably be getting worried.

I didn't pay attention to it. I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes let alone drag my body through the forest back to him.

I heard a rustling noise but I ignored it. It didn't matter.

Then I heard something move toward me.

Edward?

I was sat up in an instant.

Hope filling my chest.

Did he come back? Did he come to find me? To tell me it had all been a mistake? That he would stay with me? That he loved me?

The questions poured in my brain so fast the pain was suddenly gone, but only for a split second.

A figure moved into my vision.

It wasn't Edward.

I felt the pain come back with a kick.

It was a man I didn't recognise. He was Quileute, huge with dark skin and eyes.

Not the white and gold I was longing for.

"Bella?" he asked in a low voice.

I didn't reply. I couldn't even if I'd tried I wouldn't have been able to. The pain seemed to be cutting of everything. I could hardly breathe let alone talk. I shrank to the floor again, just letting my body drop. I had no energy.

The man was talking but I couldn't hear him.

I didn't listen.

I think he said something about his name Saul? Sean? Sam? It didn't really matter. And then there was something about Charlie. I registered that, but only his name. The rest was lost on me.

I felt a pair of arms swoop down and wrap round me as he picked me up bridal style and started walking. I should probably have had some feeling about a complete stranger carrying me but all there was, was the pain.

I felt like I was choking.

Like my throat was constricting again and again stopping the air getting to my lungs.

Like without him I would die.

Suddenly we were inside.

I only knew that because suddenly it was bright and I realised the light hurt my eyes.

I heard Charlie saying something but everything was blurred, fuzzy, distant.

I heard my name being called but I didn't react. There was a strange noise coming from somewhere and I wasn't sure where it was. It sounded like an animal in pain.

The arms put on the couch and then I felt arms round me pulling me into a hug, then Charlie's voice hushing me softly.

Oh. I understood. The whimpering sobs were me.

Small sounds were coming out of my mouth like an animal in pain.

When I realised that there was nothing stopping me. I opened my mouth and I collapsed against Charlie's chest as the sobs took over my body shaking me hard.

I had no idea what happened for a very long time after that.

I couldn't stop the constant flow.

The tears just kept coming they were like two rivers attached to my eyes I had no control over.

When I finally ran out of tears to cry I realised I was alone with Charlie.

He didn't say anything he took my arm and helped me up to bed. Through everything I noticed I had ruined one of his shirts with my tears and he hadn't let go of me, not once.

I spent a long time staring at my window.

Reliving all the times Edward had climbed through the frame to see me.

The times he'd lay in this same bed, the times he'd sung me to sleep, worked with me, talked with me, laughed with me, told me he loved me.

It was all a lie.

When I finally drifted to sleep I was terrorised by nightmares of forests, darkness, lies, abandonment and his hard face, unfeeling and frozen.

That wasn't the first night I woke up screaming with the face burned into my eyes.

**Hope you liked it.**

**So tell me what you think and press the big green button!**

***hugs***

**:)**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	2. breaking, breaking, broken

**Hey sorry it took so long my computer broke and i ahd to wait ages for it to get fixed up again.**

**Anyway hope you like the chapter i know it's a bit dragish at the mo but it'll get better soon!!!**

**Enjoy!**

**:)**

Charlie's POV

The next few weeks were some of the hardest of my life.

It was agony to see my little girl hurt in this way. She was like a zombie and everyday not only her actions but her appearance changed for the worst. She was wasting away in front of me everyday.

I thought in time she would get over that, that...

Oh!

I can hardly think his name let alone say it!

If only I could get my hands on that filthy little bastard who broke my daughter's heart he would not be living much longer.

I felt an awful despair whenever I saw Bella now. I wanted to help her, to comfort her, to let her know I'm here for her and I'll never let her down.

Its times like these I really curse my own nature. If only I was more outgoing about my emotions Bella would understand, but whenever I pluck up the courage to do something my heart freezes.

When she looks at me with those dead looking eyes I don't know what happens. I can't carry on and say it.

I am such a coward!

Bella would hardly talk or eat she would barley even move.

And there I was the coward father watching as this all happened and having no power to help get her back up.

She never went out anywhere, only to school, food shopping and to her job at Newton's outfitters. She refused to call her friends back when they called. After a while they stopped calling. I don't think she noticed. She always seemed to be in her own little world now. It didn't seem to be a nice place to be though.

Whenever I tried to speak to her she would either ignore me or answer with one or two words nothing more. At first I was upset and a little offended by it all until I realised she didn't ignore me she just didn't hear me. She always seemed to be daydreaming with a blank look on her face and it was hard for her to come back to reality.

She was completely emotionless. Her looks were blank and if she tried to put her face in a normal position her eyes always gave her away. They always looked dead. Like there was no point to anything anymore.

The only times I knew something about how she was feeling was when she slept.

She woke me with her screaming every night. I used to go to her but I stopped doing that a while ago. I never made a difference. I pretended I didn't hear her anymore. That I simply slept through it, I didn't. I was horrified every night by the pure terror of her screams until she woke up.

My daughter was in hell and there was nothing I could do about it.

Angela's POV

When I saw Bella that first time after the Cullens had left I almost didn't recognise her.

She hadn't been in for a while.

Apparently she'd been found in the woods lost and got really ill because of it. She did look terrible but I didn't really believe that that was the reason.

I had watched her and Edward get closer and closer as last year had gone on. They were nearer than ever in the fall when we all came back to school for senior year. I knew in the way they looked at each other. Love and adoration rolled of them when we were together. Then suddenly he had been dragged of to Los Angeles and they were ripped apart. Of course she was heartbroken.

But really, truthfully it was scary.

The weird effect him leaving had had on her. You'd have thought he died or something.

That first day when she came back to school I said hi to her like any other day. She turned to me and replied I thought there was something wrong with her voice it sounded strange, distant and quiet with no emotion. When she looked at me her eyes had absolutely no life in them.

It was as if she were a dead person living in a body she just didn't want.

I pitied her from then onwards.

I wanted to help I really did. I talked to Ben about it but neither of us knew how to get to her. Nowadays she was just there and never really talked or contributed to anything. She still ate with us all at lunch but she never spoke.

Everyone seemed to ignore her now. Even the teachers realised if they asked her a question it wouldn't get answered so they just acted like there was no one in her seat.

I didn't leave her alone. I always said hi but she didn't reply all the time.

It was sad really.

I missed my friend.

Jessica's POV

Bella came back after a while.

She'd been ill or something.

I didn't really care.

She'd been with Edward Cullen over six months now. I was kind of disappointed when they came back in the fall still a couple. Sure I have Mike but he's nothing compared to Edward.

He was so fit!

I hardly ever spoke to Bella when she was with Edward I mean it wasn't fair I was much prettier than her and I'd been after Edward ever since he'd moved here but no! He had to go for shy little Bella, the new girl.

I was always jealous.

It just wasn't fair!

All the guys like her. I mean remember the spring dance three guys asked her adn she was to pigheaded to go with them.

Even Mike likes her!

Well he did...

She almost never spoke when she came back after Edward left. Everyone said something about her being in a forest lost or something.

All I knew was she was centre of attention... Again!

I was more friends with Lauren then and she didn't like Bella. I had never really liked her she was just popular (god knows why) and so I used her to make myself liked more.

It worked.

I was niceish to her and hung out with her so people were nice to me!

She was so rude after Edward left for LA. Whenever I spoke to her she completely ignored me!

I stopped talking to her!

She had turned into a complete ignorant bitch!

Bella's POV

The next weeks were hell. I tried to hide it from Charlie and people at school.

I knew I didn't do such a great job but at least Charlie didn't wake up when I screamed anymore. He didn't come running to check I wasn't being murdered with his gun in his hand like the first night.

He slept through.

I was glad.

I didn't like hurting him.

I tried to listen to people when they talked but sometimes I couldn't help but tune them all out. People at school thought I'd turned into a right bitchy cow I could tell, but I couldn't bring myself to care too much.

I still went to work at Newtons like normal. It was hard if I was working on the till, I didn't like talking to people still. I think Mrs Newton noticed I was a terrible worker but she didn't have the heart to fire me. She just put me on re stocking and cleaning up.

I was kept out of the way.

Out of sight.

After that first night I had woke up and felt a strange sense of being numb.

The pain was there always, never relenting but it was different.

It felt dull it made it so all my senses seemed to be dimmed and muffled. Like I was seeing and hearing things at a different frequency to normal people.

I hardly heard sounds. I only saw things I really looked at.

I tried to lose myself in a dream world where Edward was still there. My fantasies worked for a while but they only ended in me being jolted back to reality and then my heart would crack a little more.

I constantly felt there was a hole in my chest and whenever anything reminded me of him or really any of them I felt the hole would rip and tear at the edges a little more.

Remembering he left me.

Losing sight of the light.

Lying somewhere at the bottom unable to move.

**So what did all you guys out there in fanficland think?**

**Give me a review anytype and i will send you a big hug!!!!!**

**Go on press the button!!!!**

**You know you want one! **

**;)**


	3. smile

**Ok so i know i took a while for me to update but my mum took my laptop of me cos im grounded so i don't know when i can get i back again. (im ment to be doing homework :])**

**Anyway i hope you like the chapter it's kinda a filler cos i'm making Jake and Bella friends again. Jake isn't a wolf yet just so you know.**

**Disclaimer - i do own my awesome ipod speakers but i don't own twilight :( *sobs***

**Have fun reading**

***hugs***

BPOV

_1 month later_

It had been 1 month 3 weeks since he'd left. I still couldn't bring myself to say his name let alone think it. If any little thing I saw reminded me of him the pain would rip through me fresh and new and unbearably strong each time. It burned a deep scar into my heart. A scar so deep it wouldn't heal. And often it was re opened and ripped.

My heart was mangled.

I was broken.

Anyone who saw me would understand that.

It was just a normal day just like any other when it happened.

I had woken screaming as normal shaking and sobbing from the most recent night mare. I'd got up and made breakfast. Charlie had gone out with Harry up to La Push. I stayed in and did homework and laundry.

By early evening Charlie had called and asked if I could pick him up from Billy's as Harry had gone home and he had no ride.

So there I was. Off to La Push. Driving along the road, nearly there when there were some strange noises.

It was my truck.

First there were clunks then a few whirrs finally there were splutters and screeches until there was a deathly groan and it stopped.

I couldn't believe it.

Had it finally given out? It had been rattling for a few days now but I didn't think it would be that final.

I was stuck.

I got out of the cab frustrated. I didn't have a hope in hell at being able to fix it and I knew it.

I wasn't so numb anymore as I had been straight after it happened but still I wasn't up to much.

I lifted up the hood of the truck and just stared at the maze of machinery in there. The puzzle of metal, grease and wires was completely alien to me. I couldn't even tell you where the engine was in there.

After a moment I gave up and pushed the hood back down again. I sighed and thought about what to do.

I knew where the Blacks lived in La Push was and I was a lot closer to the reservation than I was to anywhere else. I started to walk.

I took me about an hour to walk the 1 and ½ miles to La Push. Not only had my brain shut down but so had my body. I seemed to do things even slower than I did before and a lot more clumsily. I fell a few times but eventually I got there.

I remembered Jacob he was Billy's son. The boy who'd told me about Quileute legends the same one who'd built my truck I also remembered liking Jacob very much.

I also remembered that Billy had known what the Cullen's were so I was slightly weary as I walked up to the front door and knocked.

I heard happy, laughing male voices in side and heavy feet clumping to the door. It was opened by a huge boy. He had dark skin and just past shoulder length coal black hair. He was tall with big muscles. He'd been laughing and was still smiling a huge grin with perfect white teeth even his dark eyes were smiling down at me.

This was Jake.

Wow.

That was all my mind could say. The last time I'd seen him he was just a boy but know it seemed that he'd turned into a man.

"Bella?" he asked in a lovely soft voice.

I cleared my throat. "Hi errr my truck broke down while I was on my over here for Charlie" I told him quietly and awkwardly. It seemed strange to just be on his door step like this.

"Ok" he said "you want to come in?" he asked kindly.

"Sure."

I followed him inside the small house I felt a few memories of my child hood come back to me. Running down the halls, laughter, two girls, twins, his sisters, a quick glance out of a window reminded me of mud pies in the back garden.

We walked into a small sitting room where two of the men were sat watching ESPN and shouting at the TV evidently they didn't agree with what was going on in the game. They turned when we entered the room. Charlie and Billy smiled.

"Hey Bella" Charlie smiled. "I guess this my ride home then Billy" he said getting out of the chair and standing up to go.

"Actually Charlie Bella said the truck broke down and she walked to get here." Jacob put in flashing me a smile. Without thinking I smiled back. I didn't realise what I'd done until I turned and saw the shock on Charlie's face. He composed himself very quickly.

I thought about that while the men talked about getting the truck over here to fix it up.

I hadn't smiled a real genuine smile in so long it felt quite strange but still it had been real.

That was something to think about.

Jacob Black made me smile.

**Well what did you like it? **

**Was it ok?**

**Hope so anyway please press the big green button you all know what it is and how to use it!!!**

**Love you all!!!!!**

**:)**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	4. recovery

**Ok I know I haven't uploaded in ages sorry but i want to carry on with this story now.**

**Disclaimer-i wish i owned twilight but i only own the plot :P**

**xxx**

Jacob Black.

My best friend.

I never thought I would say that but over the next 5 months he had become my friend, then my best friend. He was the one I went to when I needed help he helped me and kept me from breaking. The nightmares where still there shocking me into awareness every morning, ripping screams from my throat but now. They weren't as bad I felt as if there was someone behind me. In the dreams there was someone there secretly protecting me from the emptiness but every time I tried to turn in my sleep I couldn't see. There was just the feeling.

We spent a lot of time together now. I was always in the workshop as he worked on the cars.

We even had a couple of motor bikes but after the first time we road them about 3 months ago I had refused to ride mine again.

It was awful. I heard a voice, a perfect voice in my ear. It was Edward! He was there in my head talking to me.

He sounded angry and kept telling me to stop what I was doing, to get off the bike and I was stupid and thoughtless to even try to ride.

I ignored it, ignored his warnings. I wanted to hear him. I needed to hear him. I hadn't heard his beautiful velvet tones in my ears for so long and it was the greatest high to hear them again. I needed to hear him, to remember him.

I kept going on the bike and his voice got angrier and angrier in my head until he was growling so loud I couldn't hear the engine any more. It was amazing and I forgot what I was doing.

Then I crashed, smashing into a tree.

I ended up with bad concussion and a huge gash on my forehead. But as I lay there on the ground pinned underneath my bike all I could think of was him, his voice in my head and the growling still ringing in my ears.

It scared me. He wasn't there but I could still hear him. Was I crazy?

At first in didn't care and wanted to get straight back on the bike but Jake insisted on taking me to the emergency room. While we were there I thought about it more. Should I hold onto him? Was this healthy? He didn't love me I knew that. Maybe he never had, not really. I was just another thing he could own. Could control and I was just amazed and dazzled by him. I often said he could dazzle me and maybe that was all it was, just an infatuation.

After this epiphany I started to become sane.

Not all at once. No one can do that and I still had the terrible dreams and I still ached for him with my entire being but that was only because I didn't know how to let go.

I didn't want to love him anymore. I wanted to be free from him. I wanted it so badly it hurt. But I just didn't know how I could ever get rid of him. How do you get over that kind of love?

I needed Jake more than ever now. I needed him to help me through it all. He was my sun and he kept me from drifting away into a land of pain. He shone and warmed my heart.

I didn't know it was all about to change...

**Ok then. did you like it? please review cos they make me happy and the chapters will come faster :)**

**hugs**

**xxxx**


End file.
